she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sorry about my life...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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