if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're a waste of cheezeits
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
