I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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