I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
