Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
