whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
