Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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