she kept yelling 'call me bella'
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
