So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
