I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
