Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Randomize
