i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize