I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
