its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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