So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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