Kiss
Puke
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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