just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
