i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize