One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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