If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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