How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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