I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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