I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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