I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
