Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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