is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
