Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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