Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
