Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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