you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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