I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
