i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You're like the curious george of whores
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
