we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
