I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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