There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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