...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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