all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize