i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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