I will die if light touches me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
No I am not eating basil off your cock
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
