Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
