No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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