well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
