I puked a lego.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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