it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
