I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
