Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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