What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
why do cheetos always look like penises
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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