think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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