Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
