Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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