i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
