I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
