remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
ttyl tear gas
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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