she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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