I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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