question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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