3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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