Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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