We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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