i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
