He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
