Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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