I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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