I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize