thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
