i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
