I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Houston, we have a blender
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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