96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
