...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
