did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize