Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize