Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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