so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
