you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
