Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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