My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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