walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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