every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize