Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
