Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
