it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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