You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Panties = found
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
