No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
