I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
