He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
