i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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