As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
