I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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