i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
