obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
