I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
