I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
