i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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