I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize