i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
