I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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