I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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