I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
