you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
