after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm like, not good at living.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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