How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize