idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
too bad you live with your parents still
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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