do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
