you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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