the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
