Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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