they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
