Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize