dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
