so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
