I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
