when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
