I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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