Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
