the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
