I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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