You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
