i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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