I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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