youre lurking in front of me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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