wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
