i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
