i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
