brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
