I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I need to align my fucking chakras
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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