my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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