Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
