you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
