Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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