She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
