it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
