I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
