HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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