I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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